


Mini-Van of Terror

by EarpingHaught81



Category: All My Children
Genre: F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 04:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8734576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarpingHaught81/pseuds/EarpingHaught81
Summary: A short one shot so I can't really give you a summary or it gives the whole thing away. Don't let the title fool you though this is all about the humor.





	

“Maggie.” Bianca clutched at the door handle. “Maggie?” She put her foot in the floorboard. “MAGGIE!”

“What B?” Maggie asked calmly pulling the wheel and darting between a Beetle and a pickup.

“Could you stop driving so…badly?!” her eyes went wide and then slammed shut.

“B? It’s a _mi-ni-van_.” She said enunciating every syllable.

“Yeah thank you Captain Obvious I hadn’t noticed.” She nearly screeched.

“You chose to buy a mini-van so I’m forced to drive a mini-van so I’m going to drive said mini-van like I stole it.” It was all perfectly logical in her mind.

“What the hell kind of sense does that make?!” She glared at the blonde.

“It’s a mom mobile you can’t make it cool no matter what you do. So to make up for the complete lack of well…everything I gotta drive like a jackass to make other drivers respect me.” She hit the brakes then mashed the gas pedal throwing up a rude gesture as she passed a little old lady in a station wagon.

“Maggie your brain is a scary, scary place. Watch out…oh god you’re going to give me a heart attack.” She pressed a hand to her chest.

“Yeah well have you noticed that no one is cutting us off or tailgating?” she motioned to the other cars.

“That’s because they’re all afraid you’re going to cause an accident!”

“Exactly! Now you’re getting it!” she leaned on the horn.

“I thought you said this was about respect?!” she said exasperation evident in her voice.

“Yeah, yeah potato potahto it’s working that’s all that matters.” She gave the stink eye to the little old lady in the wagon as she passed by flipping her off. “Can you believe the nerve of some people?” she shook her head.

“Pull this thing over!”

“Oh come on B we’re almost there and in record time too.” She said proudly with a lopsided grin.

“Do you drive like this when I’m not with you?” she threw her hands over her eyes. “Oh my god you don’t do this when Miranda is with you do you?” she whipped her head around to stare at her accusingly.

“Of course not! How could you think that I would never put her life in danger?”

“But it’s okay to do it with mine? I thought you loved me do you really want to see me splattered across the highway?”

Her foot came off the accelerator. “I’m sorry, of course I don’t it’s just that…it’s a mini-van!” she threw her hands up.

“Hands on the wheel, hands on the wheel!” she yelled. “If we get there in one piece I’m killing you.” She huffed.

“Relax baby I was a stunt driver in a past life I got this.” She flipped the blinker on and careened across three lanes of traffic. “You know this thing handles pretty good for a boat on wheels.”

“How in the hell did you make it this far in life with such horrible driving skills?” she gripped the handle tighter.

“Hey I’ll have you know it takes a lot of skill to do what I do and make it look like I’m insane. It took years of practice.” She eased the speed down.

“I’m driving on the way back if you don’t like it you can call a cab.”

“Fine you win you can drive back. We’ll be old and gray and Miranda will be married with her own kids by the time we get home but hey…” she shrugged.

“Oh my god what is it I see in you?” she dropped her head shaking it.

“I’m just so damn irresistible.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Eyes on the road!” she pointed.

“No need, we’re here.” She skidded onto a dirt road as a car blared its horn on its way by.

“Here where? Why couldn’t you tell me where we’re going?” she glanced around at the tree lined road.

“That kind of defeats the point of a surprise.” She dug around in her bag. “Here put this on.” She held out a scrap of fabric as she drove along the winding path.

“A blindfold? You couldn’t have given this to me before?!” she snatched it from Maggie’s hand.

Maggie had to choke back a laugh. “Sorry if I would’ve known you were going to mom me the whole way here I would have.” She pulled over and parked in a small turnaround.

“Mom you? What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“Bianca, there’s no brake pedal on your side but you were still trying to use it.” She pointed at Bianca’s foot still firmly planted in the floorboard and smirked.

“I hate you.” She released her seatbelt and threw herself from the van.

“You love me.” She yelled as the door slammed in her face.

“Come on.” She got out and went around to stand in front of the red faced brunette. “Let me help you with that.” She held her hand out for the blindfold.

“If you were anyone else…” her shoulders sagged in defeat. “Here.” She handed it over.

“I promise you this will be worth the ride of terror.” She knotted the scrap. “Can you see anything?” she waved a hand in front of her face.

“Nothing.”

“Good.” She said lifting herself to her toes to whisper in her ear. “You won’t be disappointed.”

She placed her hand in the small of Bianca’s back and helped to guide her back into the van. She drove a short distance until they reached their destination.

“Maggie what is going on?”

“Shh not yet, wait here I’ll be right back.”

Bianca heard a voice speaking with Maggie through the open door but couldn’t place it or hear what exactly was being discussed. She heard something jingle, something decidedly key like and swore to kill Maggie if she was buying some death trap that she would by no means be riding in.

“Okay ready. Come on.” She went around to help her out. “I really hope you like it because I put a lot of effort into finding the perfect one but if you don’t like it there a few others we can look at.” She stood by her side taking her hand. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Bianca tried to steel herself for god only knew what was waiting to greet her.

“Surprise!” she released the blindfold holding her breath waiting for the brunette’s reaction. “Well?” she asked unsure.

“Oh Maggie.” She breathed looking up at the two story Victorian house. “It’s beautiful. Did you…” she looked over at her. “Did you buy this?”

“Not yet, like I said if you didn’t like it there were a few others.”

“I love it Maggie I’ve always wanted to live in a house just like this.”

“Oh thank god.” She breathed a sigh of relief. “Because this is the one I really want.” She tugged her hand. “I’ve already got the perfect room picked out for Miranda and there’s a stable in the back and there’s this big patch of empty land I was thinking we could build a go-kart track!”

“No absolutely not!”

“Bumper cars?”

“Not on your life.”

“Bull fighting ring!”

“Hell no!”

“Geez you suck the fun out of everything.”

“You weren’t saying that last night.” She said seductively.

“I’ve got it!” she stopped turning abruptly. “A sex-nasium!”

“Maggie, what?” her brows dropped in utter confusion.

“You know, like a gymnasium only-”

Bianca held up a hand to stop her. “I think I’ve got it and if that’s what you want you’re going to be the one to explain it to the contractor that he’s building a sex dungeon.”

“It’s not a dungeon it’s a sex-nasium.” She huffed.

“Seriously is that all you think about?”

“Of course not.” She pulled Bianca closer and wrapped her arms around her waist. “You know what I think about? How lucky I am that we found each other. How incredibly special you are and that I’m still amazed every day that you love me and that I get to help you raise the most astounding little girl who shows me constantly what real, unconditional love is. I would be lost without you and Miranda in my life.”

“Okay” she smiled into chocolate orbs “You’ve officially made up for the ride of terror. Now come on give me the grand tour of where we’ll be spending the rest of our lives together.”

“There’s one more thing first…MUNCHIE!”

Little feet came trampling along the polished wood floor and into the arms of her mother.

“Hi baby!” Bianca scooped her up and placed kisses on the giggling girls face. “How did you get here?”

“I wode with Aunty Kendy.” She pointed a little finger down the hall. “Mommy there’s a pond with duckies!”

“Oh there is well I’ll have to go see the duckies won’t I?”

“Uh-huh.” She bobbed her head.

“Mama Maggie said we can name them and feed them evewy day!”

She looked over to a beaming blonde. “Well then let’s go!” she laced her fingers with the small blonde’s. “But just between you and me” she cast her eyes over. “I don’t think we should let Mama Maggie help with naming them.”

“Oh come on B I was only joking back then.”

“Yeah well better safe than sorry.” She laughed. “Let’s go see Aunty Kendy and the duckies.”

“Yay!” The little brunette clapped her hands.

The three of them made their way down the hall and out into the sun filled backyard where Kendall was waiting for them.

“So what’s the verdict?” she asked watching the small family with a smile.

“I love it and I think we’re going to be exceptionally happy here for a very long time.” She squeezed Maggie’s hand and received a whispered I love you in return. “Amazingly, wonderfully happy.”

 


End file.
